Body issues

Candid Moment: I've always battled with body issues. I'm actually very insecure about my body.  I have always been overly body conscious when I eat in front of people, try on clothes or even hang out with my friends- all of my friends are smaller than me.  Even remember a time where I was getting ready for a party with my line sisters and I broke down crying because I hate my body and couldn't find anything that fit. I've just never been satisfied with my body.
My body type is very solid: bottom heavy and muscular, never had a super flat stomach let alone abs poking through my clothes. The smallest I've ever been was a size 6 and 140lbs - that was in high school. My weight and body frame is very up and down. Sometimes I can workout and gain a ton of weight and other times I can never step foot in a gym and lose a pound here and there. As I'm getting older, my body is changing into the "womanly" body that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. My hips and butt are getting wider, arms are getting bigger and my boobs are getting heavier sitting on top of my stomach. I may not look like what I just described but I really am. 

I am 5"4 at 170lbs measuring at 37 - 33 - 44. 

(Can't believe I'm putting this out there. Ha!)

I hate shopping for clothes - which is why I spend a ton of money on makeup and shoes. I've learned how to dress and hide certain things, not wear certain thing and play up my face and hair. Sometimes, I find myself using that as an excuse (this is my new womanly body) for why I can't have the body I want.

But honestly, I'm tired of everything. Tired of feeling insecure. Tired of being I'm embarrassed to eat in front of people. Tired of hating to taking full body pictures. Tired of feeling heavy. Most importantly I'm tired of having body issues. 

This is the year of new beginnings and acceptance for things I want to change. I want to do more than lose weight or be the ideal size. The goal is to be the healthiest I can possibly be which will lead to overall the happiest I can possibly be. I want to be in the best shape of my life. I want to change my lifestyle for a lifetime.  

Do you have body issues? What are you doing about them?

Photo via Instagram